Four days into our stay in Nairobi, we decided to book a Safari trip to Massai Mara. My sister handled all the booking and details (this should have been cause for alarm from the get, but we went with the flow). We awoke at 7AM for the 5hour drive to the wilderness, with a pit stop at the City Market where we met up with Lucy, our travel agent, to remit payment. I asked if we could pay 1/2 now, and 1/2 later when we were done with the safari, but she insisted that we had to pay all upfront (again, this should have been cause for alarm. Usually you just put in a deposit), but we decided to again go with the flow. Before continuing with the drive, we picked up an Indian fellow who was joining our group. The drive was rather scenic, with great views of the Rift Valley and many many cattle herders.
Fastforward 6 hours later, we arrive at Flamingo Camp, where we're told will be our lodging for the duration of our stay. I couldn't help but laugh....whaaat? we signed up for LUXURY LODGING and what we were presented with was BASIC at best! Having stayed at Maasai Mara before, I knew what to expect, and this certainly was NOT IT. It was your basic camping ground with 5-10 tents around it. No dining hall, no swimming pool, no entertainment center, and from the looks of it, no electricity!!. Basically the exact opposite of what we had signed up for/what we remembered from our last safari. We simultaneously begin to raise our voice at our driver Gabrielle, who coaxes us into checking out the inside before making rash decisions. Upon entering the tent, I just shake my head and utter "AINT.NO.WAY!!!! AINT NO WAY I'M STAYING HERE! I WILL MUCH RATHER SLEEP IN THE VAN!". The tent contained two twin beds with the ugliest red comforters I'd ever seen. On the floor, a colony of ants were comfortably claiming their domain. I go into the makeshift bathroom, expecting to find *something* that would convince me to at least spend the night at this camp. Nope, again, very basic apparatus. As luck would have it, nature was a-callin and I reallly had to #1 (TMI??). As I began to do the damn thing, ants began crawling up my leg...like dozens of them!. I screamed for help while trying to shoo them off. That was the last straw! There was no way we were staying there!
I walk back into the room only to find my sister putting her bag down on the bed. "WHY ARE YOU PUTTING UR BAG DOWN?? WE ARE NOT STAYING HERE! A NIGHT HERE=DEATH! I just got attacked by ant in there *pointing to bathroom*. They will surely eat us if we stay here". That seemed to convince her and we grabbed our stuff and headed back to the van. Gabrielle, who seemed completely at ease with the surroundings could not seem to understand why we found it less than satisfactory. Even our Indian friend shared our sentiments. We advised Gabrielle that there was no way we would be staying at Flamingo Camp. He had only two options: upgrade us to a better camp ground or take us right back to Nairobi...poor guy, he must have thought we were such spoiled brats. He again attempted to coax us to at least eat before making rash decisions. Eat? Eat what? He motioned to an aluminum hut which was apparently the "dining room". Again, we reminded him he had two options. He asked us if he could at least have some tea before taking us to other camp sites. If you must!
Ten minutes later, we're back in the van and he's driving us to what he assures us is the "best camp site" in Maasai Mara. We check it out and it's better than Flamingo Camp, but not exactly the camp we remembered staying at a decade ago. He takes us to one last camp (Maasai Hippo), which we find satisfactory. It comes equipped with heavy duty tents, two twin beds, mosquito nets, satisfactory bathrooms, electricity, hot AND cold water, swimming pool, dining room, bar and entertainment center: you know, basic necessities for roughing it out in the wilderness, so we decide to stay there.
Our Indian friend seems hesitant to stay at Maasai Hippo given he had paid for Flamingo Camp and wasn't sure if he would be allowed to upgrade at no additional cost. We tell him that we paid $XXX, which should entitle us to the Waldorf Astoria of Maasai camps, not Motel effin 8. He tells us he paid less than that, so perhaps he indeed should be at the Motel 8 of camps? I felt sooo bad for him and whispered "we goin pray for you!"....that was the last we saw of him.
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Our stay at Maasai Mara ends with us being detained at our upgraded lodge for a couple of hours (looong story, not sure it's worth going into). Basically the travel agent was pissed we stayed at a nicer lodge and said we couldn't leave until we paid $XXX extra. I had to get on the phone with that Nincompoop, and make delusional threats of "getting the UN involved" and "making this a national incident". He sarcastically replies with "oh, you want to get the Nigerian ambassador involved? Why not go all the way up to Kibuka (kenyan president)". I reply with "ohhhh you know what, that is a great idea!! He lives up the street from us! 605 State House Road, riiight? excellent idea" and hang up on him. Minutes later he calls back and apologizes and says we are free to go, even offering us 2 nights extra stay...an offer we reject. I turn to our driver and say "To Nairobi. Step on it!!"...and of course he couldn't step on it bc it started down pouring and the car got stuck in the mud, and he had the audacity to tell us to get out and push. lol smh DI-SAS-TER. We just sat there and stared at him like "aint no way"....he finally told us to at least get out of the van to lessen the weight so he could push it. Satisfactory. We got out, and luckily for us there were some well-fed Massai men who offered their assistance.Poor Gabrielle, we suuure made him work for his xmas bonus. And for the record, never ever book a trip through Planet Safari....you may book one for your worst enemy though!
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The rest of the trip went smoothly and was soo fun, despite our 9:30PM curfew <-- yup, you read correctly. To quote my father "oh I don't leave the house past 8PM...these people are very violent and have no regard for human life. If I were you I would be home no later than 9:30". That, coupled with my brother always warning "Don't get PCP'd" each time I left the house, pretty much nulled any nightlife aspects to this trip. All in all, was tres fun and I would do it allll over again in a heartbeat...except this time with more insect repellent.
p.s. So on my flight back to the states, I was sitting near the most bizarre man! First of, I knowingly took the seat by the window, and pretended to fall asleep. He shows up and is all like "excuse me, that's MY seat!". I was like "no worries...so you want the window seat, or are you find with the aisle". "WINDOW", he replied, rather rudely. I moved and 5 minutes after settling into my seat, he tells me he needs to get out to use the lavatory. Ok fine. The airplane takes off and he again informs me he needs to get out to use the lavatory. This time I'm thinking "then why the hell did you make me move from the window seat if you knew you have uncontrollable bowel movements???!". I get up, and remain standing, waiting for him to get back. 10 minutes pass, 20 minutes, 30 minutes....I'm outragED. I head to the hostess lounge and tell the hostess "hi, I don't mean to alarm you, but the guy sitting next to me has been in the lavatory for 30 MINUTES!!! What could be possibly be doing there???" She doesn't seam to care so I repeat myself adding, "I just hope he's not trying to pull an Omar Abdulmutallab". Finally, she's like "I will look into it". Satisfactory answer. I return to my seat and look out for Air Marshall's to bum rush the guy sitting next to me. This doesn't happen...it turns out homie just had a veryyyy bad case of the runs. eww...he must have eaten at Flamingo Camp!...Needless to say, the 8hr flight to London was awk-ward! Can you blame me though? I was just being vigilant!
I DIE!!!! Totally needed to relive that. Sooo fun!!!
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